eh, whatever. you either get it or you don't.
quick reminder-"there are such unfortunates. they are not at fault, they seem to have been born that way. they are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of life which demands rigorous honesty. their chances are less than average."
you've been in AA for 4.5 years and i'm sure you've read this many a time. why try and deny it now?