Ready4

I just wished I had kept it quiet. I did not take a cake at my 5 year birthday on January 12. No one noticed. I could have just kept going to my meetings and doing fine. I told on myself!!!! Now, I everyone wants me to take a "welcome" chip. I never stopped going to meetings. I was on a business trip and drank wine, then did test how I would do. I did fine, but did become afraid I would slip back into my old ways. I regret now saying anything. Why do people say..."Welcome back"...I don't feel I every ...Left? Maybe after 4.5 years I just didn't get it! Oh my.

Mr. Patch

Ready: could be that many of us realize that for us, it starts with only a "sip" or a "glass" or a "shot", etc.

For me, I know that if I touch it EVER again, I will eventually slip back to where I was before I started my last "day 1". IT REALLY SUCKED!

Keep posting. You get it, why do you think you were worried about "slipping into your old ways"... Remember?

Take care. We're rooting for you.

best

For the moment...even if it was only one glass of wine... you left what you found to be a sensible way of living.

Rather then look upon the negatives of the situation, look at the positives.
It took a lot of gutts to admit what you did.
You learned a very important lesson about ...just one glass of wine... as well.
I know I could drink one beer but I also know that one beer can turn into two real fast. I know that if I drink one glass of wine... it will turn into a night or longer of drinking. The lesson I learned... it is better not to take a chance because that cross pull that you experienced will be there every time and I think you may be just like me and don't want to return to old ways.
Zero intake of alcohol is the safe way for me.

So I say Welcome back to a sensible way of living.

ANGELINA243

Congrats for being honest at your meeting. I know that must have been tough. It doesn't take away from the time that you did have sober. You will always have that 4.5 years. I relapsed on one drink last Monday. It was hard for me to pick up another desire chip at my group. It is not a matter of messing up again (that is what I thought) but rather a matter of working an honest program. I didn't have to tell them about it--but if I remained silent about it>I would have felt guilty about picking up any future chips. I know I would have ended up drinking again over it--for not being honest about it with my group and myself. "To thine own self be true" If I can't be honest with myself--I cannot be honest with anybody else--plus I would not be working the AA program which demands rigorous honesty. Just keep moving forward.

miss communicat

I bet that you'd feel bad if you had not have been honest. Because, although you never lose the 4.5 years clean, you did drink, even if this time it was a moderate amount and you came right back to the meetings. You did drink, which indicates that your thinking process was headed into the same old thinking that originally got you into sobriety initially.

Is there some comittment you can pick up? It may really help you to volunteer to speak soon, because sharing your story, including the experience of yuour bottom, the strength you found living sober and the hope you can offer to newcomers is one of the surest ways to refresh one's program.

Good luck!

Ready4

I cannot thank those who have posted a reply to my post. I have been anguishing over this. It took me months to "tell on myself" at my home group. I went to AA meetings in Canada where I was on business and talked about it...it was safe there....no one knew me. But coming clean where I got sober, was different. It is sooooo about my ego, and I know that. Which is not in AA. Nor is Ego part of staying sober. This has been a problem with my program and I know that...looking good. I don't share my problems because I want to "look good" and when I drank, I was not doing well. Rather than seek help and admit it...thought...what's a glass a wine going to hurt.

I will post here....maybe this will be a safe place for me to share.

CAPTAINZING2000

I hear people talk about going out after 19 years an more

There's the story in the 3rd edition of a guy going 30 years without a drink and picking up where he left off only to die from it in a few short years.

Taking a drink is a luxury most of us can take.

You didn't lose the experince you'd gained from your 4 an a half years sober.

I've heard many times, we all have another relapse in us but, we're never sure of another recovery.

It's best to not put ourselves in situations that, can lead us into temptation.

I'm sure, there are other bottoms for me , I'm just not willing to take a chance to find out today.

I still have a vivid recollection of my first AA meeting, I never want to forget that.

sbp

You went 4 and half years without a drink. Thats amazing. Don't worry about a little wine. Forget it, get back on track. Thats just a tiny little bump in and 4 and half year Journey. The fact that you were sober for 4 and half years is a great accomplishment and the life skills you have gained because of that can't be taken away from you.

Don't worry about Welcome chip. The good news is you were honest about it. I guarantee there are plenty of alcoholics who have relasped and never told anyone at meetings. Good for you for being honest.

CAPTAINZING2000

I've sat at meetings an watched while the person sitting next to me picked up a chip with booze on their breath

To thine own self be true

CarolD

Welcome to our Alcoholism Forum....

I too would have told rather
than let it fester as a dark secret.
It would have affected my outlook on self honesty.

I'm glad you did not let this drag you back into addiction.
That's the important thing in my estimation.

Congratulations!

tiburon88

I would have kept it a secret! I believe that you do not lose those 4.5 years of sobriety. I also wouldn't say, "welcome back" because you never left. I would not consider you a newcomer either. This contest of "who has the longest sobriety" time is a part of AA that I hate.

Tiburon
In Recovery Since 2002
"Take what you want and leave the rest!"

zoomer

I had several years once and went back out. It was my shame that kept me out. I was sober for a number of months again and had a 2 beer slip and had to treat myself like a new commer by going to 90/90 because my slipped ment that I was not getting something right. I did the steps all over again,got a new sponcer and all the rest. Can't say I was perfect in "returning",but I have 3 and a half years of recovery now without a slip because my slip was a warning sign that it could start all over again if I'm not on top of my program. Good for you for being honest! It's OK to be humble because being humble saves our lives,that is why we take a welcome chip everytime we have a slip to keep us humble.

Tazman53

ready4 congrats on coming clean, honesty kept you sober 4 1/2 years, your being honest enough to admit your slip was a huge help to others with both more and less time then you.

When I start being less then honest is when I am in danger of drinking again. Secrets can and will kill an alcoholic, the little secret that was a mole hill the day it started turns into a mountian eventually.

Being a liar would eat me alive inside, if I had a slip and kept it a secret the guilt would eat me alive every time I picked up a chip because that chip would not remind me of how much time sober I have, instead it would remind me "I am a liar"!

Be thankful you were man enough and honest enough to not take that 5 year cake, imagine the shame you would have felt if you had! People coming up and saying congrats on 5 years when in your heart you knew you did not have 5 years.

Some people view sobriety time as some kind of contest, it's not and I am sure you know that.

Thank you for being honest, your slip helped me to stay sober today and your sharing your slip helped you to stay sober today. Share your slip, that 4 1/2 years sober is not lost, you will always have that, sharing your slip will help others not slip.

Tib the only people I know who view it as a contest are ones who are lying about the length of their own sobriety, every person I know with good long term sobriety only picks up chips and shares thier amount of honest sobriety time to give hope to those with less time. The only reason someone has to be annoyed with some one elses time is if thier time is a lie.

Miss Pink

ya, keep those secrets....we all know how self-dishonesty is the key to staying sober.

You did the RIGHT thing....but not what your disease of EGO wanted....so tell your ego thanks for sharing and sit down!!

Zoobear

Honesty is the key to the whole program! You messed up and you owned up to it. That's whats important. You beat your ego by telling about your slip. Take your welcome chip and move on, you are not seeking an easier softer way. Im proud of ya!:bounce
In this program your secrets will kill you.

lostmdboy

I think you did the right thing. As said before "To thine own self be true" Go pick up your white chip. If I were you I would share this part of your sobriety with your groups, because you never know when this expierence you are fighting with could help someone else. For me there is no better feeling then knowing I helped someone else.

sugErspun

I was at my home group last week, and the chair stood up as a newcomer - no one really reacted at all - I thought maybe he was just running in late and being funny or something. But after the meeting - he requested a special business meeting be held because the chair is required to have a certain amount of sobriety and he no longer had it.

Anyhow - I guess it goes to show that no matter how long it has been since your last drink, the next one is no further away.

Glad you're back.

Tazman53

Picking up that chip the first time or the third time is important, for the person that is picking it up it shows a new commitment to thier program, it is a showing of humility and honesty.

For the people seeing that chip being picked up it is a reminder that all we have is today, that we need to maintain our spiritual condition, it shows that we are all equal!

Yes we are all equal if we are honest, all we have is today, whether it has been 1 day since our last drink or 30 years, we all need to be humble enough to know that we are possibly only one drink away from our next drunk.

I need the new comer picking up that chip for the first time to remind me of where I was.

For every day I remain sober I need the person who slipped or relapsed to remind me just how fragile my sobriety really is.

Thank you again for being honest and helping me stay sober for one more day.

I can not imagine picking up a chip for 6 years and seeing someone I had drank a beer with 6 months ago at thier first meeting getting up and walking out of the room thinking to them selfs "What a bunch of F'ing liars!"

Keep in mind that someone lying about thier own sobriety date may very well lead to someone dying from alcholism, AA is an escape from "I" and becoming "We", is your ego so big that you are willing to kill others to maintain your own lie?

mike_mass

I think you did the right thing - we're as sick as our secrets. I wouldn't get too hung up on what people say.

miss communicat

thank you for helping me understand this line of rationalization. I never could figure out what purpose maintaining a "floating sobriety date" ever served, except as an extension of living in a grey zone.

now i see it as a defense. Fear.

I was told by my sponsor, now in her 32nd year of continuous sobriety, that many alcoholics have a hard time growing up, and that they unwittingly place the same expectations onto AA that they placed on their parents. I realised that she told me this instructively, so I listened.

I now count my sobriety date as the date of my last drink. Yet, I've been "in" recovery since 1988. I've also been "out" of recovery since 1988, since I drank in between then and 2005.

I used to think its nobody's business. However, it is, because it gives someone hope to learn that I rededicated myself to abstinence and recovery (by the way abstinence does not equal recovery) after conducting research out there.