This is so difficult. Today, I really miss XABF. I checked with the jail and he is being charged with 2 counts of burglary. My house and my Xneighbor's shed. I know his drug addiction put him on that path. He makes so much more money working than stealing, but he was too dope sick to work.
My heart wants to save him from his choices, but I know I can't. I want to write to him, but I know I can't. I am so vulnerable to him and I know for my own safety and sanity that I just need to move on. It's so difficult. I truly loved him ... who he was without drugs ... I still do. When he was sober, we had an amazing relationship and I believe he truly loved me. It's very lonely now. I have no family ... they died when I was young .... and no close friends. I have two young children and a lot of work to do on my house, so I know I need to keep really busy and chase these sad thoughts away.
Today I want to reach out to him ... but I KNOW I can't. I can't. I can't.
I'll be all right. I am just trying to climb out of this pit and every once in a while I feel like I am sliding backwards. Thanks for letting me vent. It's the "toe hold" I need to try to take another step up.