CypGirl

Hi all,

This is my first posting on the site...please forgive me if i'm a bit mixed up.

I've been married to a fantastic man for jut over 6 months...there is only one problem. He drinks...a lot. Every day. And i'm getting to the end of my tether. He had a problem before we got married and has done for some time. His father and Grandfather both had drinking problems. But he was ok for a fair few months before the wedding which is why i went ahead with it. Since the wedding it's gone from bad to worse. I'm in a living nightmare. Screaming and shouting. He's not been violent apart from when i got so angry i pushed him out of the flat, he pushed me back. But things have been broken in the flat, by both of us out of frustration.

I know he loves me and wants it to work, but the drink has such a hold on him that i dont know if there's anything i can do to get him out of it.

I've tried to be sympathetic, talk to him try to understand and support him when he's down, but he lies to me about how much he's had to drink or even if he's had a drink. I try to tell him that i can tell from the signs and that i won't be angry with him, but he still lies and that's what really gets me angry as he's insulting my inteligence. I know it maybe because he doesn't want to admit it to himself so he wont' tell me or he's trying to protect me, but it's so frustrating!

He's not working at the moment and hasn't been for the past 3 years, but this is not due to alcohol, but it still gives him more opertunity to drink. Although he doesn't have the money it doesn't stop him. He steals it. He's been caught from a shop stealing in our neighbourhood and banned from the shop and i had to pay out 200 pounds to them for all the stock they calculated that he stole...i think they under calculated. I know many people will say i should have left him, but I just feel for him so much.

We found out he had MS in Sept 06 and it's just got worse. The alcohol effects him and does make his symptoms so much worse. For him having a beer is like a normal person having 2 or 3. So a bottle for him is 2 or 3 for everyone else.

He use to drink with his dad when he was in university and associates it with good times and laughter. His father passed away in 2002 and he started drinking to drown his sorrows and it's been a downward spiral ever since. It just seems to me that he was never taught to deal with his feelings. It's seems to be a problem with his family. They would rather not face a problem then deal with it. THey'll do anything to forget it. Drink for him, drugs for others.

We recently came back from New York where we went on our honeymoon for 10 days, we're in Cyprus so the flight for us from Cyprus to uk and to new york took most of the day. All in all we were gone for about 12 days. And those were the best of my life.

I dont' talk to my friends about my life. I dont' tell them what i'm going through. I feel so alone, and i have no where to turn to.

He say's he wants help and to go to AA meetings, so i've printed out a list of where and when they are and i've even offered to go to open meetings with him, but i've told him now he has the information, it's down to him to decide to go and if he wants me to go with him.

If he doesn't go I can see our marriage finishing before our first year is up. I know this sounds like i'm writing it off and not giving it much of a chance...I want it to work so much, but i'm in hell, and scared and don't want to live like this. The stress has effected my health to the point where i'm in hospital, have developed exzema, anxiety, panic attacks, virtigo and other symptems. Well i think it's due to the stress..I could be wrong..

I guess what i want is someone faceless to talk to and who might understand, tell me what i'm doing wrong in helping him and maybe point me to the right thing. I know i can't do it for him, but i might be able to help.

Thanks for reading. I just need to get it out.