UN -
Conratulations! You get my first post on forums!
I'm glad to read that you're feeling better and continuing with your path. I won't pretend to have words of wisdom or answers to life's questions. I will say that you should take comfort (or at least pride in yourself) from knowing that your tribulations serve as knowledge (which = power) and inspiration to those who follow in your footsteps. In this post alone, I can see that people
can progress and better themselves.
I would also like to suggest the following:
We all know that music and other sensory reactions (smells, etc) can trigger certain memories. Perhaps you could find music that reminds you of good (non-contaminated) times of your life...or even music that inspires you to achieve good times in your life. You could then evelop yourself in that sound and reflect on your accomplishments.
It may not work for you, but it may be worth a shot. I know sensory reactors work for me alot.
I hope for your continued success, and suspect I'll see great results from your continued communications with those that care for your progress.