Welcome Americianspirit
It sounds like you are on the road of recovery, and this is a beautiful thing. God loves you and God forgives you. You are doing what God wants you to do by seeking recovery.
It's been hard for me, in sobriety, to accept many of the decisions I made when I was drinking. Sometimes, I think about regrets and resentments I have against myself.
Prayer is the only good way I have to deal with stuff like this. Often, I "give my past" to God. God takes my past, and gives me today. If I do the best I can today, I have hope for tommorow.
Keep up the good work. Thank you for sharing.
chip