What you are feeling is waking up.
One of my early awakenings was to the harm I'd caused my people. Contrary to popular belief, spiritual awakenings aren't comfortable. The fact that you are waking up to that stuff means there is hope.
What if I told you that your dark past is your greatest asset? You have the chance to turn that past to good account and help someone else with if you can make use of what we have to offer.
Jim