What Im feeling tonight after a meeting
So sad, so remorseful for being drunk for most of my parenting days, most of my life.
I never felt that way before like I do now. Denial was easy because I just wouldnt let myself think about my actions, or inabilities, let alone short comings.
It hurts so much that I will never be able to go back and reverse the past. Have that chance to start from the beginning and do it all over again. be a sober mom.
I know I can move forward and do it right from this day on, but to for the first time feel for myself the pain my alcoholism has put me through,(I am only now for the first time feeling that pain, and those closest to me, my god what I have put those closest to me through,) and robbed me from is devastating.
For the first time in all my attempts to quit drinking, I am praying to god. Praying for the ability to forgive myself, and not drink. I think it will be harder to forgive myself.