42 days
User-Name,
I can very much relate to your post. I have 125 days - also my first time in recovery - and at day 42 I felt like a crazy person far more than I thought I should for someone who had 42 days.
In fact, at 125 days I still feel too crazy for where I think I "should" be, but I have noticed that the crazy times are becoming fewer and further between.
This past Monday, for example, I was looking forward to getting back to work and putting the holidays behind me. I showed up at work and for no reason at all suddenly fell into a deep "oh ****" depression alternating with extreme anxiety about how I was feeling. On top of that I felt out of control because I couldn't think of anything to do about how I was feeling that would have made the feeling go away. I felt, in a word, truly hopeless. That word is overused in our culture but that is exactly what it was.
So I got into my car, drove for 15 minutes in no particular direction, and finally called my sponsor. He essentially laughed at me and told me to go back to work and act "as if." I wanted to tell him "**** you" but soon found myself laughing as well. I did just as he said and my day improved remarkably by 5pm (even though nothing about my circumstances had changed) and the past two days have been two of the best I remember.
This sounds like an old AA cliche, but I am coming to believe that much of this random misery happens to me when I start to take over the steering wheel from the higher power and my mind starts going with the control/obsession thing. Letting go and turning it over (also cliches) are becoming the daily medicine I much accept and embrace.
Also, it's a good idea to read up on PAWS, which is the withdrawal that most alcoholics go through in early sobriety. It's not exactly the same as detox withdrawal, but I've learned it can be just as painful and is a major obstacle for a lot of people to remaining sober.
-Michael:ghug3