User_Name

I've been sober for 42 days today, and I'm posting this in hopes that people can relate and give some advice on my current situation. I go to AA 1-2 times daily and I have a sponsor, and these past two days have been the absolute hardest days yet. The emotional turmoil I am experiencing is crazy, I really want to be drunk just because I don't want to feel like this anymore. I have thoughts like "if this is what I can look forward to I should just go back drinking". I have been told at AA that this is typically a very difficult time for a lot of people, I guess I am one of them. I also go back and forth thinking I don't want this sobriety thing anymore, I just want to get drunk and escape. I also keep doubting myself and saying I can't do this. My head is spinning and I almost feel like I am going crazy.

I have been having drunk dreams 3-4 times weekly, and they seem to be an indicator of a hard day to come, or at least more cravings and bad thoughts of self-doubt. I have brought this topic up with my sponsor and he keeps telling me that I'm doing great, and this is completely normal for someone with only 42 days and 99% of people in AA went through the same thing. I was also told that this is why people say they don't have another "sobering up" in them, was because of these times that I am going through right now. People have said that getting through times like these are why they don't think they could do it again if they chose to go back out. Who knows? I really have no idea what I'm doing and I will admit that.


I guess I have to take my sponsor's word and believe that this WILL get better, but I am reaching out hoping people can share their experience when they were in my shoes and tell me what happened. I think I'm really scared, and I don't know what to do. I will say that if I wasn't going to meetings I would be drunk right now, but I'm not drunk, just feeling scatterbrained and scared.

I'm not going to drink, but I sure as hell don't want to have to feel like this for much longer.