Originally Posted by
Labrador0620 
The answer to your question is I am not allowed into her finances, even though I'm the one that has to clean up the wreckage of her actions. I'm a CPA with a Masters in Finance. It would take me 5 minutes of going through her bank statements to figure out what is going on; she knows this, hence the stonewalling.
Lab, for a long time I thought I was the one who HAD to clean up the wreckage. Then I got into recovery (Al Anon) and learned my "cleaning up of the wreckage" was what they call "enabling". I thought I was helping, but what I was really doing was helping my daughter stay in her addiction (or, as in your case, your wife's problem, whatever it is.)
The last session our marriage counselor was very delicately trying to broach the topic of our finances (she is aware of the hours I work, that my wife makes $60k - $110k per year, and contributes virtually nothing).
Money like that doesn't just disappear without something being bought, unless she's gambling it away.
The mere suggestion she may not be managing her finances for the benefit of this marriage leads her to attack me; I'm spending too much money (95% of what I make goes to our monthly bills, taxes, and the church); I should stop titheing, etc.
At least you can show where your money is going. I'd keep up the tithing cause I know who blesses me with that money to start with.
I do hope she'll show up for the counseling session. But don't count on the counselor to help with the "does she have a drug problem" question. My AD had her counselor so snowed it wasn't funny. I think there should be a law, a strict law, that demands that all counselors and family therapists have extensive training or internships in a rehab center. There are so many of them out there that don't have a clue about addiction and are being who-dooed by addicts/alcoholics day in and day out.
And please, no attacks by therapists or family counselors.
The same goes for doctors. There are just so many "earth people", as we call them in our meetings, that just don't have a clue about addiction.
Prayers for you and your wife, Lab.
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