Originally Posted by
In Texas 
Its taken quite a while for me to get here (36 years), but things have finally gotten to "that point".
Don't feel bad. I was 50 before I started coming here and going to alanon for real help. My mom is the alcoholic in my life, but is 30 yrs sober. The strange behavior is still there, as is the never ending complaining.
Originally Posted by
In Texas I'm dealing with a considerable amount of guilt regarding my complacence til now. I'm realizing that I have continued to ignore the problem and even enabled my dad by drinking with him over the past several years. I have never confronted him about his drinking, and he has only ever acknowledged it in passing, but since I've grown up and moved on and as he has gotten older, the drinking has gotten worse.
Gulit. It's one of those words that seem so powerful. But, with a little training and knowledge, you can rid yourself of this guilt. Then this word will lose all it's assumed power. It's guilt for something you are not guilty of! Read the sticky notes at the top of this board. These sticky notes are just amazing, and eye opening.
Originally Posted by
In Texas Arguments between he and my stepmother have eventually become violent. I was rarely told about these occasions, and when it did get bad enough to bring me into the loop, it was usually a very awkward situation with my stepmother telling my girlfriend to tell me about the incident. I dont blame her for going this route - she is as confused and worried about the situation as I am, but the threat of harm has finally caused her (wisely) to step out of the picture.
You know, she really is probably confused as to what to do. I would tell her about alanon. You can't force her to go, but it's the best place for people in her situation, even if she no longer lives with him.
Originally Posted by
In Texas That leaves me, the last family member on speaking terms with him. Recent conversations with him when he's sober have yielded the usual "your stepmom and I are having problems and its her fault". Dad is generally a very angry person these days, but he really loves me and is proud of the adult I've become.
You can enjoy any sober time you have with him. I have learned though, that I will not tolerate anyone talking bad about another family member in my family. If they don't like that person, then they can take it up with them not me. I got into a triangle between my sis and my mom. It wound up with sis and me no longer on speaking terms.
I learned that people have to deal with their own problems and leave me out of it.
Originally Posted by
In Texas I'm afraid that any attempt to address the problem will result in his hostile denial and jeopardize the last loving relationship the man has.
I can only speak from experience. The sad thing with alcoholics or drug addicts is they choose to do nothing till it's consumed their life with misery. Even then, some never come to realize they've got a problem.
So, knowing this, I have to take a step to protect my own self from their behavior. I have learned to stand up for myself, not get involved in things that aren't really any of my business, and take care of me.
This also means that I can not enable them to drink, or to help them out because of consequences they inheirit due to their drinking including bailing them out of jail or paying their bills. If they didnt' drink, they wouldn't be in jail etc. Helping them only gives them the right of way to continue drinking. If they suffer their own consequences, they eventually realize no one will help them out any more.
Keep coming back here and post all you want. I have learned so much from others experiences here, and I am sure you will too.