welcome, labrador. your situation sounds very painful, and your father's concern is telling.
addiction is definitely a possibility, but a mental disorder is very possible as well. a close friend of mine was married to a woman for 15 years who had a similar pattern of behavior you describe, and she is not an addict. she has borderline personality disorder. a book titled "walking on eggshells" describes this mental illness and maybe if you take a look at that you can see whether any of it resonates. there is also information online if you google it.
it does not sound like a mere case of a lazy wife.
as you search for information--and do keep searching--you will get clearer and then you will be able to go to the right source for help. if you suspect addiction, see an addiction counselor, not a general therapist. if you suspect a personality disorder, contact your local chapter of NAMI and ask for help. and, of course, both illnesses could be at play, and you will need both kinds of professional guidance.
if the problem is addiction, the road is long and bumpy, but certainly some addicts do recover and marriages are saved. if the problem is a personality disorder, i would not hope for much change.
it is difficult for husbands to stand firm against their wives. the encoding to protect is very natural and goes deep. if the problem is addiction, you may be able to find men-only al-anon groups in your area which will address this.
one thing is pretty certain: your financial stability is at risk and your credit could be ruined, so i am very glad you have much knowledge to protect yourself. but if you are unable to see the real risks--because of your emotional confusion--you may not yet be protecting yourself adequately. should you decide to walk away from your marriage some day, you may step into a financial nightmare. both addicts and metally ill persons can be a horror when it comes to separating property. it is very good you are talking to outside people and getting sound support.
all the best to you. you are doing the best you can. keep going.