Addicts get very good at hiding things. I knew my boyfriend was addicted to painkillers, he got clean and I really had no idea for awhile that he had relapsed (and severely). I mean, looking back on things, the signs were there, but I think sometimes we get pretty good at lying to ourselves without even realizing it.
She could very well be going to doctors, using old addresses, not using the insurance, etc. My boyfriend definitely did that. I am just finding out now the extremes of everything. It is amazing the web they create. How their whole lives are caught up in using, how to use, how to get something to use, etc etc. It's like a full time job. Major money disappearing is a huge red flag. There are not too many things that money can disappear on without having something to show for it.
Being defensive, always wanting to stay at home on the couch and zone on TV...definitely addict behavior in my experience.
Have you ever asked her point blank? The sad thing is, our gut instinct is usually right. I have realized that if I have some obsessive need to search the house, or look on his computer, etc that I really don't need to do any of that. That there probably is something wrong.
Take care of yourself!
Vanessa