Welcome to SR. I really dont think that there is a magic number of days, months, or years. The only thing I came to realize was that my AH and the issue of alcoholism was slowly killing ME. My question to you is "How long can YOUR body take the stress of this life?"
At my first AlAnon meeting I heard the phrase "Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes". It has made a huge difference to me. No more going around and around on the merry-go-round. It was time for me to get off and start putting down boundaries. I suggest that you do the same - do it for YOUR sake and for your children.
This is tough road but I can tell you from personal experience the individuals here at SR have helped me tremendously. Hugs to you.