Originally Posted by
Because 
What do you mean by get on with my life? I would love to know what you mean by that.
Wow, this hit me right between the eyes! I could have said it (maybe I even did) two years ago. I was so caught up in getting him to do the right thing, I forgot all about myself. I had no life of my own. I was completely consumed by him. And I called it true love, soulmates.
Looking back, it was more of a desperate attachment. I wanted my dreams--with him--so bad I lost myself somewhere along the way. I became the poster child for delayed gratification. When he gets sober, we will be happy. When he stops being so selfish, we will be happy. When he finally realizes what he is losing, we will be happy. I spent nearly 20 years waiting for things to happen so I could finally be happy. I wish I had those years back.
I can honestly say I am happy today. Not one of those dreams I had for "us" ever came true, but I found myself again. I was just saying to someone today that if a happy marriage that lasts forever was one of my choices, I would have picked it. It wasn't. I had to pick from the choices I had........
Have you ever read "The Road Less Traveled" by M. Scott Peck?
BTW, I do not attend Alanon, but I have to say that detaching saved me. And I do still love my husband.
L