Originally Posted by
Because 
Regarding the issue of detachment, I am afraid it is not something that I could do because I don't believe that it is morally or ethically correct to do so. This is just my personal opinion and those who detach have a right to their opinions.
How could I live with myself if I looked the other way as he was poisoning his liver? How could I live with myself if I looked the other way as he was developing liver disease? How could I live with myself if I looked the other way and he drove drunk? How could I live with myself if I looked the other way and he had a drunk driving accident and put someone in a wheelchair for life, or worse, killed that person? How could I live with myself if I looked the other way and he ended up in prison, or in a coma, or dead himself?
I know that I couldn't.
Ok, so you don't look the other way.......you watch him. Is he still poisoning his liver? Yep....Is he still likely to develop liver disease? Probably...
Watching him and obsessing over his behaviour really won't change him or his actions, he will continue to drink.
Meanwhile you're beating yourself up trying to control him, trying to control his drinking and his actions...and he's doing exactly the same thing..drinking.
That's the point...you can't control him or his behaviour. Nothing you do, say, scream etc will make one blind bit of difference..I've tried it all, didn't work for me and didn't work for anyone else here...
Detaching doesn't mean stop loving, I love my ABF very much...but I detached because I had hit my bottom, felt like I was going crazy.
I still love him now but I let him clean up his own messes...they are his to clean up after all, he's not a child and I'm not his mother.
If only he'd behave like I wanted him to, things would be ok then, I'd be happy, we'd be happy.. But it's not up to me how he behaves..the same way it's not up to him how you behave...maybe he'd like to be able to drink in peace without any comeback from you..but he can't, are you gonna change?