Originally Posted by
Pick-a-name 
on the "up" side,it seemed like at least this way HALF of our life's savings,etc would at least be spared with a divorce and regardless of anything else,the kids and I would have some security.
This is so true, Pick. I let AH file for divorce, which he did. Didn't serve me for 4 months. Thought I'd cave, etc. The most important thing: people who were not involved told me to protect myself financially. I was not ready then to be divorced, but I could see the progression and it scared me. So I listened, had the court freeze our assets. I took it to heart when people said we could always get back together. For me, that won't be the case - I'm not interested - but I didn't know that at the time and wasn't operating that way.
Taking care of myself is not a black and white situation. Nothing I have done for myself has been at the deliberate harm of AH.