Krhea
First i want to say that my heart goes out to you....I know how hard this is
No one can really give advice....we walk together but we each have our own needs/boundaries/stories...etc
I can only speak from my own experience....
my son tried...I know he did... but he couldn't do it alone...and we soon learned I couldn't help him
bad things happened on my watch....not for any reason other than that I couldn't prevent them from happening....
I took my son to a shelter and left him there....(he is now in a recovery house) I have had many requests to come home in the months (18 and counting) that followed but i keep saying "no...stay there and figure it out"...he stays partly because he has no where else to go (he burned many bridges) but mostly because he has started to recover....it took months and many layers before that began to happen
it truly is a process...he unpeels a layer and then stays there for awhile...two steps forward one step back but eventually he goes on to tackle the next layer...
I'm rambling but what i want to say is I needed to stop providing a soft landing...my son needed to stop expecting us to fix things and he needed to starting doing the real work...not just sweeping up the surface but really getting into the corners and making changes...
you will need to decide what you can do and what decision you can live with
your son may resent/blame you initially...I knew that was a possibility but i also knew my son would die if he continued on his path and i knew I didn't want to live with that...
I've since heard my son speak at an anniversary and heard him say "my parents saved my life by doing the hardest thing they ever had to do"
Krhea...I pray for you each day...i always ask for support and guidance for all who are affected by the terrible disease of addiction
miracles do happen
I pray your miracle is just around the corner