Fierce, we ALL know this story....A's follow a similar pattern. I'll give you my advice and you can take it or not....just my advice from a husband whose wife if 5 years failing in sobriety. Couples counseling will do no good at this point. The problem with the couple is one of the two of you is ALCOHOLIC! He has to address that first, you can't work on the couple part until the elephant is out of the room and the poop is clean up. This is a common tactic of alcoholics to defelect the attention away from themselves. If WE have a problem I can place some blame for MY problem on you. My advice is only agree to couple counseling if he agrees to a treatment program and AA. Not going to AA is also a way to avoid him problem. I told my wife that God might not be a bad thing to try since nothing else is working!
I also have an answer for the getting more drunk in front of your eyes. My wife would do this all the time. What happens is that they power drink right before they will be with you for an extended period and will not be able to sneak off. By power drink I mean MAJOR quantities. My wife would drive to the liquor store down a fifth of whiskey and drive the 1.5 miles home. she could be sober for about 20 minutes as the alcohol hit her system......she was doing that on a regular basis.
Hang in there and be strong!