My brother died today
Hi all,
I was here awhile ago, and you all were so helpful in helping me find treatment for my brother, Paul. Paul was 34 years old. Through you, I discovered Salvation Army, and with that along with other centers, my brother was clean and sober for over a year.
Until yesterday.
He was doing well. Working, going to meetings, back to living with my parents, but that's ok. They were trying to help him get back on his feet, and as long as he was clean, he was allowed to stay. He went to a meeting (my dad dropped him off), and he took the bus home. My kids were supposed to spend the night at my parents' house, and Paul was looking forward to seeing them and spending time. My mom even bought the dinner he wanted, and they were planning a fun night.
Instead, he went up to the bathroom, shot heroin and overdosed. My parents were home. My mom found him (once they were able to open the door to the bathroom - it was locked). He was blue. He was down for 20-25 minutes, yet they were able to resuscitate him. He was on life support and today was declared brain dead. The only positive we are able to garner at this point is that he will be able to be an organ donor.
I didn't go to sleep until 7:00 this morning. I talked to my husband, and we figured that I should be the one to eulogize him. I wrote this last night. Still needs some work, but you get the gist.
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He was a man of few words, but was still a son, a brother, an uncle. Still loved. Still counted. A life. Still meaningful.
Many discount the lives of those lost as a result of addiction. You hear things like, "We figured this would happen" or contemplate the "could have beens". Focus is placed upon the path to death vs. the goodness in the life. In every life there is goodness. In Paul's life there was goodness.
Paul was kind. Never mean-spirited or intentionally hurtful. As a child he was always "the thoughtful one."
He loved his niece and nephews. Always had time to play with them.
He was a son, loved dearly by his parents who refused to give up on him. Who stuck by him when others would have given up in the name of self-preservation. Their faith in God sustained them in this hope, just as we now hope for Paul to finally have the true peace he never experienced in this life on earth.
He was a kind soul, but a tortured soul, battling against a demon he was unable to tame despite years of trying.
We know now that perhaps the addiction beat him in this life, but God triumphs in the next life. Paul is now at peace.
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I'm not finished just yet, but I think this captures the feeling I want to convey. Especially the part about his life being minimalized since he was an addict. Anything anyone can provide is appreciated - poems, words of wisdom, advice, anyone who has btdt.
I became an only child today. And watching a parent experience the loss of a child is just the worst thing ever. I have seen my dad cry maybe twice in my lifetime, and this is just crushing.
As a side note, we all believe that his overdose was accidental. Just felt like I needed to say that. I think since he had been clean for so long, his body lacked the "drug tolerance" it once had and couldn't handle it.
His visitation will be Friday. Funeral on Saturday. I can't even tell you what day of the week it is right now. I'm thankful that we have a lot of extended family and friends to support us. It's going to be one hell of a week.
Thanks for listening. Thanks for helping when I asked. I'm grateful that we had some months of sobriety and positive memories preceeding this horrible tragedy.
God bless,
Jenny