Hi Penny, I too am very new to this forum by accident. However, I couldn't be more thankful for this site!!
When I met my A he was in rehab (first clue) for his 3rd DUI conviction. Our relationship was perfect while court/jail was hanging over his head. He stayed sober and I fell madly in love with him. Then once court went away the alcohol became a frequent occuarnce. Instead of getting out of the realtionship I started hiding, lying and doing whatever I could to keep HIS secret. You see everyone, I mean everyone thought he was still sober (even his sponsor). What was the next step, of course move out with him because I can control his drinking if we live together. Well, the drinking got worse, the fighting got more frequent and I took a second job just to get away from him (and also try to pay off our debts). I gave so many empty threats it was ridiculous. "If you don't stop drinking, I'll leave"! Then, one day I woke up so empty and sad I couldn't breathe. I couldn't even cry anymore. It felt as if I was 100 years old (I'm only 23) and drowning (and I hate self-pity!!). On April 9, I took him to work & called in sick. I went home and packed all my stuff. I couldn't do it anymore. I had lost my identy.
You see, I thought I could fix him and just like you, I did the leg work for my A when it came to rehabs. That didn't work because he didn't want to get sober yet. When I left my A, he did his own research on sobriety. As of today my A has 39 days sober. He (key word HE) checked himself into a rehab facility (in another state) and got the help he so much needed. I know he did not get sober for me/us becuase I told him I would NEVER go back. I needed to know that if he got sober it was to save his life not our realtionship. Sorry, this post is so long. I just wanted you to know there is someone who went through what you are going through right now. No one can tell you what the right choice is. Only you will know the right answer. Listen to your head and pray about it. I strongly suggest attending an Al-Anon meeting. I've only been to two but I plan on starting my steps this week.