well it's at the point her friends are starting to call out of concern!! i got a call today from one of ad's friends telling me she was now shooting up heroin. that her other friend had seen the track marks. i looked tonight at her arms nothing there. but the friend said she saw them two weeks ago. the friend who called had just heard that today.
she has been gone for the past three days. i did find out a lot of information today through her friend though. one being, she has spent the past three days at her little loser xbf's house!! ~~and here is a good one....she didn't go to her dad's for christmas while i was in florida. even though i spoke to him before i left he was on his way to pick her up. everytime i called her from florida, she gave me some great story about how her and her step-sister we're shopping or blahblahblah, whatever.
i of course,can't get up with her dad right now. i have called several times to talk to him. he isn't home, won't call back. piece o'shiate he is!!!
so she spent xmas here by herself, i am sure partying like a rockstar in my house!! i am soooo pissed!!!
she of course denies, denies, denies...that's the rule right...deny and then it isn't true. i even went and bought the flippin' drug test. i know, i know...waste of money. but on the way home from the store, i said you know i am not going to give it to her because she actually wants me to. which says to me, she'll pass for heroin. three days i think and it out of your system.
i still have the test. maybe i will return it.~~or just keep it under the counter for later use. i don't know.
she lies so much
she lies so well
she will come up with a story at the drop of a hat, with out blinking an eye.
something has to give........soon.........
my sanity and her life are at stake.
new year's eve will come and bring another year. i was so hoping 08 would be better for us. ~~how do you help someone who doesn't want it. those of you that have read my other post know i have tried and tried. she doesn't think she has a problem.
i am sick of addiction. and i am ashamed to say, i am sick of her!! i am sooo sick of the lies and bulls**t stories she comes up with. i am sick of hiding my purse, and wondering where the heck she is. i am sick of waiting up to see if she will come home. i am sick of the whole package!!!!! i am sick of talking about it, thinking about it, and living with it. i don't think i can be more 'over it' than i am right this second.
but i can't be. she is mine. my only kid. she was the reason i tried so hard to become a better person and give her the life she deserved. wtf happened along the way???????? i think often about the three c's. and i honestly do believe them. but sometimes i still question my self.
i know i didn't cause it....my brother is an addict in fed. prison right now...he won't get out until he is in his 50's. we grew up with the same rotten child hood. he chose drugs and crime.~~if it wasn't nailed down he would steal it. heck even if it was he would try and steal it....i took my childhood and went the opposite way. to never be like my step-dad. and to never live the way my mom did...with abuse from a man.
my daughter has never experienced and hopefully never will the things i went through as a kid. she has had pretty much a plain 'ole childhood with lots of good memories. i was a single parent, but damnit, i made up for 'him' not being there the best i could. she never lacked in friends or activities. i went to every dance, every recital, every football game she cheered at, every cheerleading competiton i could. ....so i guess it doesn't matter how you grow up...it is how you choose to act while you do it.
and ya know what tees me off....if anybody in this family should of done drugs it was me!! i didn't!!! why the hell does she???????
i am on a rant and could probaly type for another hour, but i am gonna quit, cause my blood is starting to boil as i sit here!!
i am sorry this is long, i guess a good 'ole vent was needed and it is like three in the morning and i can't call anyone. shoot, people are sick of me calling and whining about my kid anyhow i feel like. it's all i've talked about for two years............agggggghhhhhhhhh.......just needed to get it out.
thanks.......s
