I know what ya mean, I went 6 days without eatting once because I didnt know if he was safe, or if he had anything to eat, it would litterally grab me by my throat and I would gag on it.......it was so hard to force him out of my life, even when it started taking very nasty turns it was so hard........one second at a time and LEAN!!!!!!!!! lean on someone if only a friend to remind you that you too have a worth!!!! Just as you KNOW she has worth so do you.......good luck and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers