What to tell the kids?
I separated from my AH about 8 weeks ago. When I left "we" told the kids that we were having some problems and were going to separate for awhile. "We" explained that the nature of the problems was due to my hubby's disability and his needing to develop some independent living skills. While it is true that was causing problems in our marriage; the impetus for me to leave was my realization of the extend of his alcohol problems, the sneaking, hiding and lying. He was successfully able to hide it from me for a long time; and I truly believe my children do not know that their dad has an alcohol problem. He did the bulk of his drinking outside in his garage when no one was around. He spent most evenings zoned out watching TV and not really interacting much with the family. There were some instances toward the end where he would "fall asleep" in the chair, and a couple of times he became angry and short with us; but it was all pretty subtle.
I fully intend on filing for divorce in a matter of days. He will be completely shocked; and I'm not sure what to tell my kids. I want to tell them about the alcohol; but I don't want to spoil things between them and their dad. On the other hand, I don't want them to think I would walk out of this marriage on a whim; and I want them to know I had a good reason to leave. BTW - the kids are son-19 and daughter-13.
While my motives for leaving are purely because it is what's best for me; I also believe from a lot of what I have read here that it is best for my daughter to get her out of that environment. But, what if she doesn't know it's because of alcohol? The environment was still not good, as hubby and I have not had much of a relationship for some time.
Another thing causing me confusion is that I have talked a lot about this situation with my mom. I have found out my mom had major issues with my dad's drinking; and wanted to end their marriage a few times over it. I never had a clue?? But did I subconciously, am I an ACOA? My brother, sister, and I all married alcoholics; that seems like a bizarre coincidence? So, maybe even if the kids don't consciously realize what is going on -- there is something they will carry with them in their subconscious.
A lot of questions I know!!!