Somehow I got to the point where I was seeing his behavior clearly. The thing that made me leave forever wasn't even as bad as some past things, but I finally saw it for the insanity it was. It helped me to journal, to write down all of the craziness, and see what a looong list it was. And when the next ugliness raised its head, I had my list, and saw that it was like so many other incidents. I saw a future of more of the same, saw that's just how it was and would be.
I am kind of a daydreamer. I am a magical thinker. I am an irrational optimist. So for me, I had to force myself to look at things realistically. I gave myself a lot of time to make up my mind about leaving. I wanted to be sure. I was probably hoping that he would prove me wrong, but he didn't.
After that, the actual moving and leaving was a piece of cake. He made it as difficult as possible, but my mind was made up.
Not sure if that's helpful at all. Oh, I also started therapy about a month before I left. And started to tell all of my friends and family everything (the list) so that I could hear opinions untainted by love, compassion, and confusion. And at the time, they were much better at thinking about me and what was best for me than I was.