Originally Posted by prodigal

I've walked a lot of miles in your shoes. At one point, my exAH was "lost" for 36 hours. He showed up at my job to leave off some asthma meds on a Thursday afternoon, and popped up as if nothing had happened on a Saturday morning. Meanwhile his best friend's wife - who was mega-codie and constantly calling everyone with, "Have you seen L___???", was calling me looking for her AH. I figured they were both together. If anything serious had occurred, the police would have located me. It stinks big-time. I thought I was so-done-with-this for almost three years before I just up and walked out on a Sunday evening. No particular rhyme or reason. I just had enough.

I can't tell YOU how to find the guts to leave. They're YOUR guts and you have to find it inside yourself to say "enough is enough."

So I'll share an abbreviated version (I hope!) of my story. My exAH was always losing jobs, short of cash, needed a loan (courtesy of me), finding fault with his bosses and/or coworkers, getting fired, etc.

So one Sunday evening in June 2000 he told me he was "coming up short" on paying the bills and needed me to give him $800. I had a VERY good paying job with a teachers' union in Washington, DC at the time. He was once again out of work.

bma, I cannot give you a magic formula or a concrete answer that will give you that "ah-ha" moment. All I can tell you, based on my own experience, is that I was ashamed. I WAS ASHAMED OF MYSELF. I WAS TRULY ASHAMED THAT I HAD SHAMED MY FATHER'S MEMORY OF WHAT HE RAISED HIS DAUGHTER TO BE - AND IT WASN'T SOME STINKIN' DOORMAT FOR A MEAN-SPIRITED, USER, WIFE-BEATING DRUNK.

That's all there is to it. I reached my point-of-no-return. I didn't care if he killed me while I was leaving. I was going to get out of that house alive and walking out, or dead falling out the front door. That's how bad it had to get for me, personally.

I spent about a half hour getting my files, my clothes, and my cat out the front door. Then he blocked my exit and told me, "You are not leaving here until I get my $800." As I recall, I was holding my beloved cat, Boo-Boo, in my arms. He told me I WOULD leave my cat with him. I HAD TO BE EXTREMELY ANGRY TO STAND UP TO HIM. I felt no fear, but I sure had tons of rage motiviating me. Now I was standing up against a man who had an unregistered handgun in his office. Strange, but none of the opportunities he had to kill me even entered my head. I WAS MAD. Through clenched teeth I told him to move away from the door. He obliged.

He followed me into the driveway and tried to shove me to the ground. I managed to make it to my car. He grabbed the driver's side door as I was fumbling to get the key into the ignitition while holding onto my cat. I realized he was going to yank me out of that car again, so I started screaming "RAPE!!!" and "HELP!!!" at the top of my lungs. I must have awakened the entire neighborhood. That's when he just stood there with his hand on the door. I gunned the car and threw him off it as I screeched out of the driveway.

I called the police. I filed a restraining order. I moved my stuff out of that house less than a week later. I found my own apartment. I filed for a divorce. And I never, ever regretted - even though I was shaking with fear - leaving that abusive, evil man. I never said, "...but I LOVED him," even though, in hindsight, I realized I had given him all the love I had to give.

So that it just my ES&H. It took a bellyfull of swallowing abuse - physical, emotional, and mental - but I finally said enough is enough. For me, that is what it took.