First off THANK YOU so much everyone I have never felt so welcomed
. I think that attending a meeting might not be a good idea because if my mom did find out she would freak out. She would never hit me I don't even know what she would do but I think it could be that I just don't want to deal with her anymore. I asked her to get help when I was 15 (sober at the time I asked) and all she said was "Sorry, not worth it" and walked off to buy alcohol. Then one night I my dad called the cops on her because she had hit him and made him bleed but refused to hit her. So they took her away and she was gone for 3 days at a "rehab" clinic but left early. I was 13 then, she's gone through cancer but I HIGHLY doubt drinking is helping her. She' drinks to forget about stress or if she is in pain from "ex" cancer.
*big sigh* she's still drunk right now but passed out in bed, I've done all the dishes, trash, cleaned my stalls, and went to work for 3 hours then went shopping for her.
I don't want to make her sound so bad because when she is sober she is SUCH a cool person and I wont lie she spoiles me rotten, She bought me 2!!! horses, saddled, tack, clothes, college fees, boots, pays for some shows. Got me a trailer and car she's just awesome but I HATE it when she does this. She has two boxes of cherry in her office I dumped out 1/2 of one box and i'm waiting for her to open the second one and I'lll dump that too. She'll just go buy more but MAYBE it will do something. Thank you so much everyone for listening and reading all of this
My moms friends are coming down on the 30th b/c one of them when through Al-Anon and he has been sober for 30years (Go Him HUH?!?!) but.... I'm worried she will freak out and kick them out or start yelling and screaming at me again and I just don't want to deal with it I am tired of dealing with it. I started Cutting when I was 10 because she would tell me horrible things and I would believe her. I'm not saying I blame her but she didn't help. She found out when I was 15 and thought I was doing it for attenchion and said not to leave a mess if I "Off myself" But I haven't cut in about over a year now
I only needed stitches once and then when I moved I got better and mom just kept drinking..... thank you again so much everyone!! just writing here helps so much. Sorry about the books I write lol.