prodigal

Are you referring to an Al-Anon meeting? If so, why do you think that attending such a meeting wouldn't end well? There are good meetings and not-so-good meetings, but I've always been able to find a few in my area that meet my needs.

With that out of the way, I want to welcome you and tell you I'm glad you found us. I know how difficult it is during the holidays. I cooked a Christmas dinner as well as a Christmas Eve meal and my AH ("alcoholic husband") didn't touch any of the food. No matter. I enjoyed the food anyway.

What do you think it is about your mother's actions that she chose; namely, to get drunk that is making you feel bad? You didn't make her drink. That was her own personal choice as was her false accusation that your father molested you.

Here's my suggestion to you: please read the stickies at the top of our board. There is a lot to read, but it's worth it. Those of us who have to live with, or come in regular contact with, an addict often carry a lot of what I call "codie guilt." ("Codie" = codependent) You did nothing wrong. Your mother is suffering from the disease of alcoholism, and the fallout if affecting you, as it does all of us exposed to it.

You were wise to leave the house when she started getting out of control. As far as asking her when she'll get sober, if she plans to get sober, would she like to get sober, etc., - I can tell you from my own personal experience that A's ("alcoholics") do NOT want to discuss the addiction they are working so hard to protect. As you've noticed, they tend to go off and get VERY defensive about their drinking. It's better to leave it alone.

I sincerely hope we can give you support here. Please keep posting.