Originally Posted by
82tb 
On to the detachment which is my main point of this post- He and I share a room. When he comes home drunk, I take the brunt of it. I see him stumbling around, I clean up after the mess he makes in the kitchen (so no one else has to)- everyone else just locks their doors and goes to sleep. Our room is a bit removed from the other bedrooms. How am I supposed to detach myself from him if I ALWAYS see him come home drunk? What can I do? The last thing I want to do is move out since I enjoy living at home and don't have any other options. I decided to go to a close College mainly because I could stay at home. I don't want to move, and I feel like that isn't even an option.
I want to detach myself from him, but I feel like it is so much more difficult because I'm forced to be in such close proximity to him. Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this, I know I'll be needing this site in the future.
Hi 82tb:
Before you even think about going to an Al-Anon meeting, you have get out of that room or he has to get out of that room. Living in the same house with an alcoholic is hard enough, but living in the same room??? You need a quiet place where you can close the door, center yourself, and detach from what is happening on the other side of the door. You need a sanctuary, and if you don't have one, you need to get one.
You know why all of this crap is going on in your house, right? Who is setting the boundaries in the house? Is it not the alcoholic in the house who is setting the boundaries and everybody else is left making adjustments? I don't know about you, but I don't want to be adjusting my boundaries so that they are in line with the boundaries of an alcoholic.
One thing that we need to remind ourselves is that detachment without setting boundaries is an exercise in futility. I don't even let people smoke in my house, regardless of who they are. Do you think that I am going to let an alcoholic child set boundaries for me as a parent? Over my dead body. Your parents, I mean this with no disrespect, sound as drunk as their son. Be that as it may, you can't control your parents, so you are left with controlling yourself. See if you can get your parents to get him out of your room. How fair is it to you that they get to lock their doors, yet you have no door to lock. If they don't get him out of your room - into the basement, somewhere else - then you need to get yourself out of there. Just my advice, my friend. Take what is beneficial and leave the rest.
Peace.