Hope this helps
Hi 82tb,
I've been going to AL-Anon, for a couple of weeks now and the literature they have says that detachment doesn't necessarily require physical separation. In fact I've just got the leaflet out so I'll quote what it says for you 'Detachment is neither kind nor unkind. It does not imply judgement or condemnation of the person or situation from which we are detaching. Separating ourselves from the adverse effects of another person's alcoholism can be a means of detaching: this does not necessarily require physical separation. Detachment can help us look at our situations realistically and objectively. Detachment allows us to let go of our obsession with another's behavior and begin to lead happier and more manageable lives, lives with dignity and rights, lives guided by a greater power greater than ourselves. We can still love the person without liking their behavior'
I would recommend going to AL-ANON meetings. I didn't want to at first, and was reluctant being there for several meetings, but after a while you start to realize that it really helps, when you hear other peoples stories, many just like your own. For me it gave me much clarity and strength knowing that I am not alone, and so many people are dealing with the same problem. It helps to talk to those people, because things soon start to make sense, and it helps you to stop questioning yourself and your actions. My situation is all fairly new and raw, but I do feel that going to AL-ANON, is giving me strength and allowing me to think more clearly and logically about things and the nature of the disease. Every now and then I realize something that I hadn't before, which helps in my own healing. It is true that we despite how much we love them, can not change them, they have to want it for themselves, and only then can things start to look up, but at AL-ANON, you learn how to deal with the daily situation, how to be supportive, while at the same time detaching. Detaching doesn't necessarily mean removing yourself from the alcoholics life. Going to AL-ANON, is helpful for both you and the alcoholic in your life. Please check them out. They have several meetings daily. It has certainly helped me, even though I know I still have a long long way to go, but as they say, it's one day at a time.
Anyway hope this helps.