Geez you guys. I had the best Christmas I have had in a very long time. Not high..Not feeling the after effects from days before. That has been what my holidyas have been like for years.
Even though I am only a week clean. I feel great.
BUT!! I feel too good. And that little voice is saying. Look ..your doing good. Maybe you dont need to go to treatment. It is a brand new year. Thats incentive enough for you to stay on the strait and narrow.
I know its BS. I just hate it when that AV starts trying to persuade me like that. Thats why I havent made it to treatment yet. AV always says. Youll be fine. You need to work. You cant afford to be away that long. It isnt gonna do any good anyway. Youll feel like your locked up. The program is a bunch of bull.
What if I miss an employment opportunity.
But see I know that none of that matters. Because I have already gone through it. I am wasting my time thinking and trying otherwise. I need to just go ahead and go to treatment and stay till the end. If it is all it is suppose to be. Wonderful. If I come out thinking it was what a waste of time. So what. I gave it a try at least.
I do know this though. With or without program. Whether it works or not. I know the will and the strength is in me to make it happen.
And I am more determined than ever to beat this crap. I will not waste another year..week, day, hour, minute, or second paying some drug dealer to kill myself and put myself through misery.
What the point of this was. I dont know. Just need to rant I guess.
AV is buzzing like a little knat.
Sorry for rambling. Thanks for listening.