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Old 12-24-2007, 10:41 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Am I too excited?


Wow everyone. I dont know why. But in the past. I have dreaded even the thought of treatment,meetings, or anything that had to do with getting better the program way.

But for some reason. I cant freakincontain myself. I am ripping and ready to go. I cant wait to go to inpatient.
I seriously cant. I think about it and I get a sense of relief and peace and just this wondrful glowing feeling inside me.

Funny...I was watching tv last night and saw a person that had won almost 2 million dollars on a game show. So I started fantasising about if I had that kind of money and all I thought about was how much I would give every person in my family. What I would do to help them with any finacial problems they had. I did this for like an hour. Never once did it cross my mind that...OMG..I would have so much to blow on drugs or even any thoughts to get myself anything.

Ususally if I think about something like that the first thing that pops in my head is . WOW..I could get so freakin high for so long. Didnt even cross my mind.
This girl I hang with in the street keeps calling me. I am not answering her calls. I already know where that is going to lead.
I have thrown away every bit of paraphanalia in my posession and deleted every single number in my phone. Now it's the 2 or 3 I have memorised I need to forget.

I am dead serious you guys. 2008 is going to be my time to shine. I am going to give it 110%. No more Bsing around. I am so sick and tired.

I just hope I am not hyping myself up for a fall.
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Old 12-24-2007, 10:57 AM   #2 (permalink)
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It's good that you want to change. Try to keep it in the day.
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Old 12-24-2007, 11:00 AM   #3 (permalink)
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I read your post, good luck.

Next to that angel picture it reads “True Failure…Is When We Stop Trying” man I couldn’t agree more. When I got sober I had nothing left to try, nothing I tried worked and I knew Failure at a level I had not known.

People made some simple suggestions and I tried it their way. Big surprise it worked!!!

All Good Things,
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Old 12-24-2007, 11:13 AM   #4 (permalink)
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All i know is that it's a life change. Your spirit has to go with it...

It's your time Chiy..Go out there and shine like you never have...You deserve the best hon...Now let yourself be all you can be...You're ready!

big kiss and hug!

happy holidays, but most of all Have an awesome year!
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Old 12-24-2007, 11:17 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Sounds like you have the postive thinking down. Great job.

Hope you are successful with your pursuit.

When I was finally ready to "go to any lengths" was when I was finally able to surrender to the fact that I am an alcoholic and as such drinking is not an option for me. That was when I was finally able to stick with a program of recovery.
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Old 12-24-2007, 11:34 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Sounds like you are definately ready. You have had a taste of sobriety. now it is time to have the whole thing.
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Old 12-25-2007, 07:55 AM   #7 (permalink)
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(((Chi)))

Although I didn't go into treatment, this is a lot like how I felt when I finally decided that I wanted recovery more than anything else. Of course, I'm impatient (am having to work on that), but I was SOOOO ready to just get my life back without dope. Now, I've got almost 10 months clean. I've struggled some (those darn financial consequences!) and everything hasn't been wonderful, but it is still a heckuva lot better than it ever was on dope. These days, instead of kicking myself for what I did back then, I try to remember to be grateful that I got another chance.

I really do think that 2008 is going to be your year. It's really great to hear you sounding so positive. You can always pm me...I fought the same demon you're fighting. I know, for me, it always helps to come here and find out I'm not alone with my thinking, and someone else has done the same things I did and they're clean today.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 12-25-2007, 12:17 PM   #8 (permalink)
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((Chiy)) happy christmas
I'm wishing 08's your year too

D
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Old 12-25-2007, 01:29 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Merry Christmas, Trish, and all the best for 2008
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Old 12-25-2007, 04:26 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Geez you guys. I had the best Christmas I have had in a very long time. Not high..Not feeling the after effects from days before. That has been what my holidyas have been like for years.
Even though I am only a week clean. I feel great.
BUT!! I feel too good. And that little voice is saying. Look ..your doing good. Maybe you dont need to go to treatment. It is a brand new year. Thats incentive enough for you to stay on the strait and narrow.
I know its BS. I just hate it when that AV starts trying to persuade me like that. Thats why I havent made it to treatment yet. AV always says. Youll be fine. You need to work. You cant afford to be away that long. It isnt gonna do any good anyway. Youll feel like your locked up. The program is a bunch of bull.
What if I miss an employment opportunity.

But see I know that none of that matters. Because I have already gone through it. I am wasting my time thinking and trying otherwise. I need to just go ahead and go to treatment and stay till the end. If it is all it is suppose to be. Wonderful. If I come out thinking it was what a waste of time. So what. I gave it a try at least.

I do know this though. With or without program. Whether it works or not. I know the will and the strength is in me to make it happen.
And I am more determined than ever to beat this crap. I will not waste another year..week, day, hour, minute, or second paying some drug dealer to kill myself and put myself through misery.

What the point of this was. I dont know. Just need to rant I guess.
AV is buzzing like a little knat.
Sorry for rambling. Thanks for listening.
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Old 12-25-2007, 04:46 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Good luck Chiynita. I'm glad your trying again. I didn't think I would ever get sober. But here i am.

My Christmas wasn't the best, but it wasn't the worst either because i didn't drink. That's a miracle. You can have that miracle too. Just one day at a time is all you have to do.

Barb
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Old 12-25-2007, 06:34 PM   #12 (permalink)
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(((Trish))))

The "voices" tried to talk to me today, too. Luckily, I came here instead. Just remember, it's the same voices that kept us locked into the insanity. Whatever you do, I wish you the best. I think treatment is great for a lot of people. I didn't do it, but then I was locked up for almost 6 months and that was enough to get my head clean and keep me away from the dope. When we really want recovery, we do whatever it takes.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 12-25-2007, 07:37 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Hi Trish. Even though I only joined the forum yesterday I have been reading the post for over two months.v I have read quite a few of yours.
I wish you the best of luck in your journey to recovery You sound a lot more positive than a while ago and I realy believe that to be important.
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. Best wishes. Swamijapa
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