ccirider

Hi DLG:

I found the above to be very strange. I really hate drunkenness, whether it's from an alcoholic or non-alcoholic. With your father being an alcoholic, why would you want to go out and get drunk, even if it is once in a while? That doesn't sound like "little girl" behavior to me.

The other comment that I would like to make is that many codependents tend to look at alcoholics as the people with the problem and not them. As a recovering codependent, I can assure you that codependents are as sick, and in some instances, maybe even sicker than many alcoholics.

The alcoholic is addicted to alcohol and the codependent in an alcoholic home is addicted to the alcoholic. Guess what? They are all addicts, so when the codependents point the finger at the alcoholics, they might as well be pointing the finger at themselves. Now, before many of the codies here want to ram my head into the turnbuckle, let me say that I am not comparing the behavior of a codie wife to a physically-abusive-alcoholic husband. I am just saying that we (the alcoholic and the codie) have all been afflicted with the disease of addiction, and we all need to work on our own sickness.

DLG, I don't know enough about you to say whether or not you are a codie, so I don't want you to think that I am passing judgment on you. And even if I knew you very well and had no doubt in my mind that you were a codie, it wouldn't do you any good if you don't see it for yourself, right?

I could tell you how sorry I am that you are going through what you are going through, but that just isn't my style as many people here well know. My telling you how sorry I am for you isn't going to do you any good, anyway. When the tsunami hit Indonesia and destroyed not only a man's business, but also his house, his wife, and all of his kids, people asked, "How could God allow this to happen?"

I don't believe that God feels sorry for us in this life, no matter what we are going through. Why would God create a tsunami, send it upon people, and then say :sorry for what you are going through? How is feeling sorry for people who are feeling sorry for themselves supposed to help them? What helped me, as a codie to get better, was when the people around me stopped feeling sorry for me. Sometimes the most caring, the most merciful thing that you can do for some people is to not have sympathy for them. Don't expect most codies to understand that, though.

As I said DLG, I don't know you well enough to say that you are a codie, so don't take what I am saying personally. If you do think that you are a codie, my suggestion to you is to get off the pity pot and give it a good flush. I hope that you found something in my post, even if it is something small, that will benefit you. I could tell you how sorry I am for what you are going through, but you have already heard that, right? I am at the point in my life where I just want the truth, whether you give it to me with compassion or not, just give me the truth. I am tired of all the BS.

Peace.