Well it's a year today that i told my ex we were done unless he got help for his drinking (wishing i ended things for good then). I know today doesn't matter but i hate that i can remember dates like this. I know nothing about him right now, which is for the best ... well other than the crappy news i've heard of him having a baby with his exgf. So today would be his sober date of one year, not sure that's even the truth. I know none of this really matters but as i get closer to Christmas i want the pain to just stop for the next few days at least. I've been forcing myself when he pops in my head to quickly do or think of something else. My therapist told me to think about it like a food seperator at the grocery store and when thoughts of him come, put the seperator down.....i'll try anything now
I think i'm almost past the little date markers, and know that the holidays were nothing special with him anyways. I decided a few weeks ago that being miserable around Christmas would NOT change a darn thing so why put my friends and family through the torture.
Deep, and we're talking DEEP down inside i know he's not right or even good enough for me and how i want to live an honest life. I realize that i would have an unhappy, unhealthy and poor life with him. Still hurts. I try to tell myself that i would rather be alone than deal with his drama and chaos. Anyways, i just wanted to get this out being a year and all..... I guess i would like to think that maybe he does in some way appreciate me. Who knows and i'll probably never know...