Originally Posted by tellus

Does that make sense? I want to be well, but I think somewhere in my head I don't want to quit drinking. I know I can't do this unless I really, truly want to, so this scares me.

The fact that I need to go into a program and quit has been becoming more and more unavoidable. Logically, I know that I cannot continue like this, but I'm having trouble facing reality. I know a lot of this is due to my depression (I isolate myself and ignore problems), and I know that my depression is made much worse by my drinking.

At the suggestion of my shrink, I've been trying to taper until I can get off work for detox. Last night I arranged things so I was busy until after the stores closed, so I couldn't buckle and go out to buy more booze. So I'm proud of that, sort of. But as a result I only got three or four hours of half-sleep, and I've had nothing to do but sit in my disgusting apartment and think. I suppose I could have gone out to buy trash bags so I could start cleaning, but my neighborhood isn't the safest and I don't like to go out at night. So I just sat in front of my TV and picked (I'm also dealing with compulsive skin picking) to try to keep my mind off things.

I'm sorry for being so long-winded. I'm frustrated right now because I know I can do this if I just commit myself to it. Is this common for people facing recovery?