Trying,
You ARE working on yourself. And you're getting somewhere. We can see it, even if you can't
I talked to a consultant this year about various things I felt I was doing wrong, or not doing enough of, etc. She said, "Okay. So you're not what you want to be. Write down for me what it would look like if you WERE. Tell me some scenes to illustrate how you would be different if you were 100% the person you want to be."
Are you able to do that? Imagine some little situations, scenes, that involve you & a loved one, a relative, a pet, a boss, a telemarketer, etc. Write how you react to them NOW, and right underneath write how you WOULD react if you weren't codie like the rest of us.
'Cause......how will you know when you're "there" if you don't have a yardstick to measure by?
Here, I'll start:
NOW: My husband buries his nose in the paper on a certain morning, doesn't really say much, responds to my questions with 'uh-huh' and forgets to say goodbye when he leaves. I freak out all morning, trying to think of what it was I must've done or said that made him mad, wondering if maybe he's thinking of leaving me or maybe having an affair....
THEN: My husband buries his nose in the paper on a certain morning, doesn't really say much, responds to my questions with 'uh-huh' and forgets to say goodbye when he leaves. I wait until I know he's at work, then I call him and say "Did you have a bad night last night? Or did I say something codie-freako...?" And he says "Oh no, hon, the pug kept me up all night with his snoring. I can't even think straight. I almost brushed my teeth with the lanacane this morning."
Things like that.
Give it a shot. Make yourself a "time capsule" of how you'd like to react to things, and put a date on it like six months from now. I was amazed, when I opened mine, that even the suggestion of doing things right was enough to plant a seed in my head. I was doing pretty good! (not perfect, but better than I'd thought!!)
Good luck, Trying. And like kindeyes says, celebrate your successes! That makes them "stick" !!!
