It is not your mistake that you love him! We all love or loved our addicts with all our hearts or we would have never put up with the insanity. I thought my AH was my life partner until just recently...it is hard to do but I had to for my kids sake, it was not the life I wanted for them. I do not know why I could do it for them, but not for myself. Now that I am away from him I see that I should have left sooner, but....I loved him. I still do, but know I cannot have a life with him. I wish you and him luck and I hope he finds true recovery so you can have the life you deserve.