Limb,
I'm sorry you have to go through this and extremely sorry that an organized group that is supposed to be based in love and compassion can judge someone else. Unfortunately, I too have not been actively involved with the religion I was raised in because of circumstances that lead me to conclude that what the church says it is founded on is not what I saw in practice. It was more important to me to hang onto my faith and spirituality...I felt hypocritical to be a part of a community that was lead by those who appeared to want power and control and to exercise it in ways that I believed were hurtful to others.
The defining moment for me was when a young child I know wanted to do a community project and collect diapers and formula for an organization that worked with single mothers. The pastor refused to let her put an announcement in the church bulletin and told her "we do more than enough for the poor already." What a message to send to a child! This same pastor, when he was first transferred to this church, also called a halt to a community project where we were giving of our time and skills voluntarily to restore an old house for use by the church. It was a wonderful project, not just because of what we were doing, but the fellowship that developed as we worked together. He preferred to spend church funds and hire outside contractors to letting the church community continue its work. I realized my resentments towards him were making me as hypocritical as I believed he was acting and I stopped attending that church.
I have found unfortunately that often church leaders take totally opposite views on things so it is not so much the religion as the leaders that define how the community is structured. I prefer just living my belief which is to do unto others as you would want others to do unto you. I never found a true spiritual connection with the organized ritual; it is more in the volunteerism that I find that sense of community and peace. So I practice that in many ways without a specific organized religion.
Hugs and prayers Limb. I hope you find peace as you work your way through this. Love you my friend!