I gave up on Structured Religion some 39 years ago when my baby died. I prayed, cried, did not get any comfort from our minister and just walked outside one day on the college campus and yelled,: "There is no God or he wouldn't have taken my baby away."
It took quite a while to find my Spiritual H.P. but it did happen on a day when we
were having a thunder storm, lightening, rain & sunshine all at the same time with a strong wind. :praying
I stood watching out my kitchen window and thought about the power of a HP and why I couldn't find one. Then all of a sudden a flash of bright light came directly at me and seemed to go into my heart and gave me this calm warm feeling. It was then I decided my HP was there all along as a part of my Spirituality & I didn't even recognize it until now. This gave me such a peace of mind that helped me move on with my program.
So I feel my Higher Power is always with me and I just have to talk with him as my day goes along. It is such a joyus feeling and my guilt feelings of not going back to my Lutheran Religion have not resurfaced. :praying
kelsh