"If you're not dependent on your partner, why does he still take up so much room in your head?" Don't assume he does. Taking up space to me is if I obsess over "why" or "what did I do?" or plotting revenge or something of the sort. If I relate stories about him on here, it is to improve my own life through example or to maybe help some other poor soul on here. If we had a "our XAs can never take up space in our minds" none of us could post on SR.
To tell me that I am "codependent", which IMHO is an overused, dumb term unless you are a person who simply can't function without your A, is to throw a blanket term on me. I consider a lot of people who post on here as farther along in their journey, and they still relate stories about what happened to them. Does that make them codependent? No. They're just trying to lead by example.
As for a TOXIC tattoo, we can't assume that every woman would fall for a toxic man if he had the tattoo. I sure wouldn't. Would you? And I doubt Lacey knew Scott was toxic until it was too late. Sheesh, psychopaths hide their evil pretty well, so that everyday healthy people don't always catch onto it right off the bat. If psychologists don't, how can we laypeople? I still say a tattoo would help a lot of people who get sucked in. Of course I'm not serious about doing such a thing.
I (believed I) needed him to complete me. I needed to be needed so badly that I was willing to sacrifice my own happiness. I feared abandonment so badly that I wanted to avoid it at all costs. I felt that if my marriage failed, I FAILED. I was so wrapped up in the fantasy US that I completely abandoned the real ME.
Is that codependent? Then perhaps earlier on in the friendship/relationship I might have been codependent. Not this past year. I did not need him to complete me. I enjoyed his company at times. I believed we loved each other. I believed we were encouraging each other to become the best person possible. But when the relationship ended I did NOT fail. He had lied to me and that is HIS problem, not mine. I have to take responsibility of wanting to Rescue him and falling for his line that we had common dreams and goals as a couple, and that's it.
I didn't love taking care of him either. I enjoy - in a healthy relationship - being generous and loving to my partner, but not being a nursemaid, personal assistant, or anything of the sort.