Telesius, I think you are definitely an alcoholic.
You seem to be at a pivot point where, if you tip one way you will make every effort to quit drinking, try to deal with your inner demons (perhaps with professional help) and have a chance at happiness for the next 40 years or so, or, if you tip the other way you will hit the booze hard from now on (in the form of a slow painful self-loathing suicide) till the bitter end.
Anyway, good luck with your current effort to stay sober (you said have quit before for 8 weeks and survived - and you felt good from all angles, so hang on to that).
