i'm VERY grateful for your wise words !
yes, i do have a strong desire to quit drinking at all.
i basically surrendered myself and prayed for the FIRST time
in 33 years.
i'm a chistian but hardly went to church apart when kid.
i've also been a rabid atheist and critic of the church or rome
for my whole life.
only recently i got in touch with God and thank to few christian
friends (both ex-atheists as well) step by step i see things from
a different perspective.
i don't really think alcohol is my only problem, i basically drink
for many reasons but first and foremost because i'm NOT in peace
with myself, and as long as i don't fix the issue causing this
perpetual situation, i'll keep living this way and as you rightly
said, it can only get WORSE, being it with alcohol or drugs or
eating disorders or whatever other illness.
i just need to be man and re-learn to live.
i'm at the point of non return.
all i want is to take back my life.
i've nothing to lose at this point from quitting drinking.
perhaps i just don't know how to live sober.
but now i see this is an interesting task.
i can tell you, last time i've stopped drinking for 2 months
i felt very good from any point of view, mentally, physically,
much more focused, quick in reasoning, alert, etc
problem is, i still lived with my inner problems.
as long as i can't get rid of them, i guess there's no hope
i'll be ever a happy man.
yes, i can have financial success, good job, etc
but still sad, angry, and unsatisfied.
@Jim :
1. When you drink do find that you have little control over the amount you take?
2. When you honestly want to, do you find that you can't stay away from alcohol?
answers :
1) it depends : if i'm relaxed i can drink 1-2 beers and stop.
of course i feel the need to drink more but i can control it.
if i eat something (chips, sandwich, whatever) the urge to drink
instantly goes away and i forget about booze.
By opposite in a bar or a pub i just need for the whole time
i'm inside the pub, i just feel a fish out of water without
a drink in my hand.
i can obviously avoid to get drunk, i can drink slow, but
still i can drink the hell more than many others.
if i'm angry for any reasons i tend to drink much more.
still somewhat in control as long as i dont mix beer+wine+liquors,
but the conclusion is always feeling like **** the next day, guilty,
etc etc
and in general i really like to drink, being with friends or by
myself (very introspective), i can not say i don't like booze,
i just feel good, warm, inspired.
and what's worse, i see most of the people working in creative
fields tend to abuse booze or drugs or both.
this is scaring too, we must be somewhat genetically programmed
i guess !
2) when i HONESTLY want to, like now, and like many other times
in the past, YES i can stay away from booze, as long as i stay
away from bars and parties and dinners as well, but still YES
i can do it.
problem is, because i'm not a happy person, before or later
i'll go back drinking or replace booze with something else.
AA meetings : i don't think i could do it now.
but... i'm thinking about it.
the main issue would be admitting i'm an alcoholic.
i don't really feel to be one, i feel to be someone
who drinks too much and too often, but still i can say
i'm light years distant from some reports i've read in this forum.
i'm more and more accepting alcohol abuse is mainly
a reaction to my feeling of not being happy and in peace
with myself.
i abuse of alcohol but i could abuse of drugs or anything
else.
is alcohol really my problem or is ME the problem ?
i will let you know how it goes.
my actual goal is staying sober at least until chrismas.
at christmas we'll have a big dinner and of course i'll be
forced to drink a bit but i'll manage to drink like the others.
then new years eve, same as above.
if i can do it, it's a good start, and i'll do january completely
sober, no pubs, no bars, no drinking events.
time will tell.
i'll be glad to share with you my progress.
Thanks again for the support !
Telesius