Originally Posted by
Telesius 
Heavy drinker or full addict, the point is : drinking IS badly
influencing my life, it's taking lot of time energy and dedication
from my life, all things i could spend in better sober ways.
So yes i don't think to be a normal social-drinker but
at the same time i don't show the typical symptoms
of an alcoholic.
MY big doubt is : will i finally get in control of my life,
or i'm doomed to go from one drinking loop to another
with few sober weeks or months in the middle until i finally
quit forever or switch to full alcoholism ?
Hi Telesius. Yeah, sounds like you are putting a lot of energy into controlling your drinking.
What are the "typical symptoms" of an alcoholic? What's "full alcoholism"? The only I know of is: can't live with drinking, can't live without it. From what you've written, you could very well be a full alcoholic right now and show many typical symptoms.
I knew I was "alcoholic" for a long time, but that didn't change my drinking. But then I got to the point where I truly wanted to quit drinking, and found I couldn't. That's when I admitted to myself that I simply wasn't able to control my drinking and needed help. And that's when I finally understood what it meant to be an alcoholic.
One thing a lot of us discovered is that just because we stopped drinking didn't mean we were "sober". I stopped drinking for over 3 years, but I wasn't a very happy person at all. So for many of us, "getting sober" means learning how to live -- new attitudes, new emotions, new ways of acting towards others -- that enable us to live productive and contented lives. That's sobriety.
In the end, you'll have to discover for yourself the nature of your relationship to alcohol. If you do realize you want to live a different kind of life than the one you've known, I hope you have an easier time with it than I did.