Originally Posted by
mandi 
Hi telesius,
As others have said, it is only u who can really decide- and that is not aways easy when everything hasn't been lost etc. I know im an alcoholic, but cos im 20, never really drank in the morn (apart frm a few times) and didnt drink all day everyday i can get doubts. I also find it hard to accept - but many do. What it comes down to is the control. In the Big Book of A.A. it says something along the lines of, if when you start drinking you have little or no control you are probably alcoholic. Also if you find, when you want to stop, you cannot fully - you are probably alcoholic.
If i ever have doubts now and feel confused - i just remeber those very lines. It not about how much u drink- or when in the day u drink, how often u drink- NONE of that - it's what happens when u drink. Its feelings of guilyt, shame, remorse the next day after another binge. It's the hopelesness. I hope this helps u decide. I wish u well.
exactly.
i never ever drank in the morning.
nor i drank every day, in average from my statistics i drink every 3.5 days.
moreover, i rarely get really drunk as i've a strong tolerance to beer and wine, i just drink a lot and for many hours, but you'll never see me throw up or unable to talk or walking zig-zag, i mean i get hammered but not like during my youth.
in my early 20s when i was drunk i was reaaaally drunk, now i definetely im much more in control when i drink, i can easily pass for half-sober sometimes but i suppose this is a learned behaviour.
point is, i drink more than what's socially accepted for "normal".
i try to avoid buying big quantities of booze but then find myself
thinking for half an hour if i must go out buying some more or just go off to bed.
sometimes i go off to bed (if the next day i've urgent work to finish for instance), other times i rush out of the door and come back with more wine or beer and go sleep at 07.00am
and yes, the next day i feel like ****, guilty, and especially recenlty, completely powerless, frustrated.
and still i can tell you, this is much better than years ago.
years ago i had several violent outburst of drunkness, they were just limited to friday and saturday nights but i deeply regret those incidents, i lost the respects of almost all my friends, girlfriends, and co-workers.
i risked to do some serious damage to myself, i havent been in jail but i guess if i kept that lifestyle before or later i would either died or finished in serious troubles.
so in theory now i should be happy, my drinking after all is under control compared to my crazy days, but still, i feel there's a demon in me, screaming to go out, can control for a while but before or later i feel it can lead me to do things that will put me in serious ****.
said that, there's no way i can say my behaviour is normal, i never was a normal guy after all, i've always had this tendence to self-destruction.
that's why i ask myself, is my drinking led by biological predisposition or the issue is mainly my innate "not feeling in peace with myself" ?
3 days ago i prayed God.
i don't mean it was a liberation, but definetely i DO feel better.
i finally admitted to myself i need HELP and i don't want to ruin my life.
well, i already ruined my life years ago for many reasons, often because of booze but also when sober, the point is i don't wanna ruin even my actual and future life.
i mean, i'm sometimes just afraid of myself.
when sober i couldn't hurt a fly.
when drunk i can control myself now.
but when REALLY drunk, i'm a monster, i could do anything,
and if driving a car well i could kill somebody or kill myself thinking to
be in full control.
this is really scaring the **** out of me.
and i've even enough of social drinking if that matters.
i'm not so shy to need drinks to meet new people or talk with a girl.
problem is, i just can't feel at ease drinking orange juice in a pub where everybody is drinking and partying, as i tend to just see what the gathering really is : a pathetic room painted with crappy decorations selling overpriced booze whit some moron playing tracks calling himself "dj", with ugly ladies who spent 3 hours at the hair dresser to look younger, with guys who do
their best to look cool to impress girls who are there just to meet rich men
and getting laid.
i maybe think too much, i'm maybe probably a bit pessimistic, but i just
can't go in pubs and bars and have fun without a few drinks.
but what else could i do in weekends ? i don't have a girlfriend now, no kids,
no family to care.
if instead of bars i go to dinner people here can drink even more than at bars.
i just can't imagine a fully sober life.
i travel a lot and especially while travelling i drink much more and more often.
with all the people you meet around there's nothing better to share a beer.
ONE beer would be ok but you know, in the end it's 3-4 at least.
still, not enough to say i feel drunk, but neither to say i'm sober or in FULL control.
so that's my situation.
again thanks a lot for your time and suggestions !
i highly appreciate it !