Thanks a lot for your replies !
Yes, i've indeed many symptoms, that's why i'm here
asking for a honest opinion.
I'll now check the tests you linked and see what comes
out.
Well, it may sound strange to hear someone is classifying
in lenght his symptoms but i'm a pretty technical guy keen
on keeping everything in order.
I keep a detailed list of my expenses, financial situation,
and more, so of course i started doing the same about drinking :
yes, i've an Excel file where i write anything i drink with
date, type of booze, brand, and quantity.
As a result i have a chart with my weekly and monthly booze
consumption.
I know it can sound crazy but i can tell you it's a good way
to keep track of how much you really drink.
Yes, asking myself if i'm a drunk or if i'm just drinking
a bit too much than usual is certainly a BAD symptom.
BUT.. i can still control my drinking if i'm invited to
dinner with customers, or if i go back home to my parents
or meet old friends : in these cases i do my best to drink
exactly as much as they do and more or less i can manage to
control my attitude.
Of course i feel the urge to drink more but after half an hour
or more i relax a bit and the urge almost goes away.
But all this needs planning, especially in case of important
meetings, it's not something natural but rather a "i can control
my drinking" but it's not a pleasure, it's like you really need
to concentrate to avoid drinking too much.
That's why i ask myself if i'm normal or not.
I just don't feel this is normal.
Heavy drinker or full addict, the point is : drinking IS badly
influencing my life, it's taking lot of time energy and dedication
from my life, all things i could spend in better sober ways.
So yes i don't think to be a normal social-drinker but
at the same time i don't show the typical symptoms
of an alcoholic.
MY big doubt is : will i finally get in control of my life,
or i'm doomed to go from one drinking loop to another
with few sober weeks or months in the middle until i finally
quit forever or switch to full alcoholism ?