That'salways amazing, too. Each time XAH does something or I remember something he did that overwhelms me, I'm reminded how much in denial I was, and how much I'm still in. My XAH drinks 8 - 12 beers a day, smokes pot 24/7, is most likely using coke and most probably dealing. He left his family because we were in the way of his using. And I still find myself thinking (less often now, but it still happens!) that I was the cause of our problems.
This codie thing is hard to shake. It has a hold of us right to the bone!