My daughter got kicked out of her Oxford House - for using "behavior". She acted like she was using - she was in places she shouldn't have been - but she passed the drug test.
Didn't matter - she had 15 minutes to get her stuff out. And since she lived 2 hours from me - she had to wait on a corner, surrounded by boxes and bags for about 1 1/2 hours.
She put on a front, but she was scared. She knew we said she couldn't come home - but we kept her for a night. Then she moved in with the boyfriend she fell for in rehab... and as far as I know, she didn't use.
Each consequence has taught her something. Mostly things I thought she already knew. And you know what? That hasn't changed. My kid just seems to have that addict personality - I want it... I want it all... and I want it NOW.
That is a difficult mind set to break through. But she IS learning.... she just happens to be a concrete learner who only learns from HER OWN experience.
Very exasperating for me and Mr. Big - especially as her husband is just as bad, if not worse. What a pair to draw to... I tell ya.
Today, I have finally... most of the time... finally accepted she is NOT the kid I thought she was. I don't know if the using changed her or if her recovery (such that it is) has made her more honest about herself.... but there are days I look at her and wonder where the hell she came from.
Then I remember - I was different in my 20's, too. I was pretty selfish and self-serving. I was still drinking. And I did so even when I had horrible consequences. Then when I got married and quit drinking, I was still whiny and upset that I couldn't have all the things/time/events that I wanted.
I have only found some balance in life in the last decade....so I need to remember that. It took me a while to grow up - and I shouldn't expect so much MORE from my own kids.
I do wish her well, Cailisnana. I think she has had some taste of recovery, which screws up using forever. She also is still in touch with her program folks - they've BEEN where she is... they can help her best.
(((hugs))))