Daughter was put out of sober house today. SHe and another housemate supposedly went drinking last night. She called today to tell me, states she is staying w/sponsor for a few days, is not going to"loose her job or focus and not giving up". I have no idea what it true and what is not. I also know there is nothing I can do about any of it!
The hard part is all the old feelings have become overwhelming again. Things and thoughts I had put to rest are back. The hopelessness, helplessness, despair, anger and shame. The realiziation that this will never be "finished" and this is it, this is my daughter!! The realization that is is freezing cold and she is now classified as "homeless".
How can someone KNOW that if they drink or drug they will be on the street? The girl she went with had been there 11 months--I bet her parents have a few good things to say about my daughter. I had alot to say, but I didn't. I did ask her if she was proud of herself, I know I shouldn't but I did. Then I told her I couldn't talk and hung up.
After talking to a couple of people in my group, I called her back and told her I loved her, but I was very disappointed, hurt and angry, but never think I don't love her. She was at work, couldn't really talk. Funny thing--they went to a meeting first!!! Stupid, stupid choices. She never learns breaking rules has consequences.
I know it wasn't meant for me, but I feel like I have been slapped in the face w/ a two by four. The awful thing, it was one year TO THE DAY she met the druggie who beat her and took us to hell the last year. One year exactly! That's why it feels like a F--- You. I don't think she knows, she doesn't know dates like I do.
So, thought I should let everyone know!
susan