kelsh

It is so hard because we want to believe them. My son had a harder time fooling me since I am an alcoholic in recovery...He had told his wife he was going to drink O'Douls non-alcoholic beer just because he liked the taste of beer.

She was telling me how good he was doing...sitting there reading the paper at night and having his non-beer, but she neglected to notice all the times he went to the garage to get a drink out of his bottle of vodka.

On the day of his wedding...he made numerous trips to his pick-up for a swig of vodka...he saw me watching him...but he never did appear intoxicated...it probably took that much for him to feel okay and not shake his hands to death.

He would come to town to see his sons and I know he figured out that he could drink down in the basement with the boys and no one would know the difference. He got each of them a bottle of juice...his bigger than theirs and would put his bottle of vodka in his juice bottle.

Here we thought he was having a good time with his boys. He would take them out in the hills all day and come flake out in the basement bedroom...he did not drink & drive with the boys. That was the only saving grace.

Here he was 35 years old and had been fired from four jobs in a row for drinking on the job. Some were very good jobs and ones he really liked but they always had an opportunity to drink a little but not to intoxication.

Now he is in a wheelchair for the rest of his life at 38 years old and with no quality future ahead of him. I have to remember that he was ill...his life was ruled by alcohol from morning to night and he just couldn't get it together even with treatment centers and counseling.

I could not stop him from drinking...just not to drink in my home anymore when I found out what he was doing. I could not tell him to go to treatment, AA, or counseling...he had done that on his own and it didn't work because he wasn't ready for it to work.

He never did get into trouble with the law...just with himself.

Holidays are my worst time of the year and it is so for many of us here on this forum. Our loved ones, my son, my brother, and your siblings and children are all out there during the holidays and it is sad for me. I try to picture the homeless kids and all of their walking and walking during the day until they can check into their shelters or someplace else if the shelters don't have room. It seems to be never ending...an infinity of life...never quite getting there where ever there is for them.

kelsh